Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
