But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
