Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
