I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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