Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
