Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
