His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
