we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
