your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
