You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
