we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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