Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
