I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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