im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
