i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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