I'm gonna have a badass scar
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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