I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize