I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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