If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
