He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
