Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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