I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
