At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
