you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
