OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
