As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
