you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
