textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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