My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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