Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
