the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
