If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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