i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
