now i know why i became what i already was.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize