Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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