My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
