I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
