I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
