i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i think i have herpe
just one?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
