i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
