so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
