i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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