It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
