I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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