I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize