Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
