Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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