Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just pynch a tree in the face
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
