Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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