New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
