I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
