you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
