I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
