i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
