yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
