Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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