I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize