so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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