using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
