Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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