so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
