I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
