Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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