Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
