Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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