So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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