Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
