I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
