Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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