just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
