The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
